I fucking hate Commander Keen
I'll get into why later. But HOLY FUCK DOES THIS FUCKING KID MAKE ME MAD. Somehow with a higher IQ than Terence Tao, or Marilyn vos Savant, or even William James Sidis, Billy Blaze (or William Joseph Blazkowicz II. Fuck you, his name's Billiam now) has an IQ of 314. 314. Now, I get that it's supposed to be a reference to Pi, but...augh, whatever, it's probably possible to have an IQ of 314, it's fine.
That's not my only gripe with this bitch.
Literally- the only GOOD THING about this wannabe spaceman is that he's related to Doom Guy in one way or another.
In fact I only play DOOM II in order to punch the shit out of those hanging corpses that could be clones/doppelgängers of Billy.
The fact that he's able to defend the Earth and the galaxy from alien threats with his homemade spaceship, rayguns, and pogo stick, a fucking pogo stick, is wildly unrealistic as he'd probably die from asphyxiation and eventually freeze solid. I get that it's a game aimed at children, but come on. Come the fuck on. I'm not saying that I expect realism from a fucking game, but at least give him a spacesuit! Dang!
But am I saying that I hate Commander Keen without having played it first?
No, I've played a couple games in the Commander Keen series, and the games themselves aren't TOO horrible. They're of course not the best, but hey, it was 1990-1991, I'll let the quality of the games slide. And of course, I'm not going to judge anyone who happens to like Commander Keen. I literally do not care what you think of Commander Keen. In fact, I think the games could make for great time killers, something you can play when there's nothing else you'd like to play; games like that are something I just have to learn to love. Heck, I think Commander Keen is a great series to introduce kids to! Games like that are something kids seem to enjoy. I have extremely few problems with the games themselves.
But I need a place to vent out these horrible feelings I have towards it, more specifically minor details and the character himself. Let people dislike things, is all I'm going to say.
The music in the later games can get repetitive sometimes, and I fucking hate short, repetitive songs like "Welcome to a Kick in the Pants in Good Old Hillville" (from CK4). What the fuck does "a kick in the pants" mean?
Like...the track itself isn't horrible? But it's short and repetitive.
"But if you hate it so much, then why'd you make a whole page for it??? 👁👄👁"
See, sometimes it's better to write your feelings out. I also want people to know that there are people out there who hate something many other people really like. Shocker! Again, I do not care what you think of Commander Keen, I don't care at all. I just want to make my hatred for Commander Keen known. Who knows, maybe I'll contribute to the history of the internet with this site. Though the chances of that happening are extremely slim.